In less than two weeks time we’ll be waist deep in the bog that is E3 once again.  There are plenty of conversations that we could have about the obsolescence of the conference itself, but for the time being, I just want to scrounge together a sort of wish list for the event.  With several companies not attending, including Sony, and the knowledge of a new console generation right around the corner, this year is probably going to be fairly lite in terms of big announcements.

I could probably just write the word “games” over and over, but I just want to hit on like one or two things from each conference that I’d like to see.

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MICROSOFT

Microsoft is kicking off E3 with their conference, in what I think could be the most interesting conference of the entire show.  It’s no secret that the Xbox One didn’t set the world on fire and was easily overtaken by the PlayStation 4 in terms of market share.  Since their rocky launch, they’ve tried to right the ship since then by taking a very pro-consumer stance with their ‘Play Anywhere’ initiative, which allows for Xbox exclusives to be playable on Windows, their push to make online games allow players on any console to play with each other, and my personal favorite, the Xbox Adaptive Controller, which brings accessibility to a whole new level.

I’m genuinely excited to see what the next generation looks like under this new era of Xbox, but till then, I’m gonna just list some stuff I would love to see out of them this year.

FABLE 4

For my money, if Fable 4 came out and incorporated a large world, devoid of loading screens, with the fun yet admittedly shallow combat from Fable 2, I’d be happy.  The Fable franchise has always traded on cheeky humor and robust world building, but I think it would be nice if we could make good on some of those promises that Peter Molyneux made back before the first Fable came out, and include more of those clockwork systems that make the world feel more alive.

HALO INFINITE

Look, I don’t know what they’re planning with Halo Infinite, but regardless of if it’s the conclusion to the story we’ve all wanted or a big pile of garbage, I just want to know.  Just let me play this game and move on with my life.  It’s not like I’ve been waiting a terribly long time, but I think I’m just so exhausted with Halo, that I just want it to be over with.  If it was good, that’d be great, but even if it isn’t, I just need to know.

NEW CONSOLE

I swear, if this next console isn’t just called the Xbox Two, I’m gonna lose my shit.  Although in all fairness, it would be absolutely hilarious if they just called this thing like “XCUBE” or “ULTRABOX.”  I don’t know that I’m ready for a new console generation, but I don’t really have a choice in the matter.  Regardless, I’d like some functionality stuff to be talked about.  Are we doing a disc drive?  Do all the Xbox One games work?  How about the accessories like controllers?  How big of a deal is streaming?  Just some cool bullet points would be great.

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BETHESDA

Look, I don’t like Bethesda games that much.  They’ve all felt janky to me in one way or another, and I never got into any of the settings they played around in.  I’m not a big post-apocalypse guy, and even less of a high fantasy fella, so I’ve basically eliminated most of their modern lineup.  That said…

STARFIELD

What I wouldn’t give for any information about this game.  I know that this is behind Elder Scrolls IV in the queue, and almost certainly wont be on this current generation of consoles, but a man can dream.

I’m just looking for something that can vaguely fill that Mass Effect sized hole in my heart.  While I hate that Bethesda stands the best chance at this moment, I have to stay hopeful that a good sci-fi action RPG that let’s me shoot aliens or bone down with them is somewhere on the horizon.

AN APOLOGY

Imagine it; Todd Howard walks on stage with his head hung low.  He steps up to the lone microphone on the stage with a single house light shining upon it.  Andrew W.K. is notably not there, or if he is, he’s singing a dramatic and somber version of one of his party songs.  Todd clears his throat and speaks into the mic with tears in his eyes.  “We fucked up, y’all.  We really goobered it up on this one.  Fallout 76?  Yeah, we did a bad on that.”  Then he eats a canvas bag that says Fallout 76 on it, and melts into a puddle.

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UBISOFT

Man, I really like the turn that Ubisoft has had this generation.  They’ve stuck with their games in a way that very few developers do, and cultivate these lively communities around their games.  For Honor, Rainbow Six Siege, The Division 2, and Ghost Recon Wildlands just to name a few.  I’m pretty stoked to see what they do this year.

SOME PATENTLY CRAZY CONFERENCE BULLSHIT

For those not in the loop, Ubisoft has the fucking most wild press conferences ever.  Usually there’s people in costumes dancing, a game of laser tag in the auditorium, and Mr. Caffeine, the strangest man ever.  Ubisoft, whether intentionally or not, has made their conference twice as exciting by just being themselves.

SPLINTER CELL

I will forever ask for another one of these.  I love Splinter Cell, with Splinter Cell Chaos Theory being one of my favorite games of all time, it’s been upsetting to see Ubisoft shove Sam Fisher and his cool goggles into a closet.  I want another one of these games.  I thought Blacklist was cool, but it didn’t scratch the itch I needed it to.  I’m ready to see Sam Fisher snap necks and hang from the ceiling like he did in the old days.

WATCH DOGS 3

If I can’t have Splinter Cell, give me this instead.  The lack of an Assassin’s Creed this year along with a ton of rumors about the next Watch Dogs taking place in London, all lend credence to the almost inevitable announcement of Watch Dogs 3.  The rumor of it being set in London makes me even happier, considering one of the biggest issues with Watch Dogs 2, was how flippantly your character went from graffiti enthusiast, to armed assassin.  Setting the game in a place without guns adds to the likelihood that more focus will be put on the puzzle aspects of the game, rather than the shooty shooty killing part of it.  Don’t get me wrong, I liked Watch Dogs 2, but I think they did themselves a disservice by letting you use shotguns and pistols.

THE OTHER STUFF

Ubisoft is really good about the, “one more thing” part of E3.  They announce some big sequels, along with some really intriguing new franchises.  I’d like a progress update on Beyond Good & Evil 2, maybe see what other Nintendo collaborations they have up their sleeves, or even see them tackle some more sports in a follow up to Steep.  Ubisoft has my attention most of the time, except for that boat game they announced.  I don’t give a damn about their pirate thing.

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SQUARE ENIX

I… I don’t really know.  I guess people really wanna see that Final Fantasy 7 remake, but I just could not give less of a shit.  I genuinely do not know what to even ask for here.  I’m looking at their Wikipedia page, and maybe like, 5 games are jumping out at me.

They probably aren’t doing another Tomb Raider just yet, Thief and Sleeping Dogs are basically dead at this point, and they just released Just Cause 4 last year.  Aside from Life is Strange, they’ve really got nothing I want.  Although according to their Wikipedia page, that untitled Avengers project is still a thing, and I haven’t played a good superhero game in a very long time.

Aside from that, I can’t really think of anything I want from them.  Surprise me, Square Enix.  Surprise me.

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NINTENDO

Alright, here’s the situation: Nintendo already announced two games that I’m very excited for, and a bunch of others that mean relatively little to me.  I have no doubt that something will catch my attention during their Nintendo Direct, but here’s what I’d like.

MARIO 2 STYLE IN MARIO MAKER 2

Like, just fucking do it Miyamoto.  Do the thing we all want for once, and put the game in the other game.  Mario Maker 2 looks fantastic, and seems to be fixing a lot of the shortcomings of it’s predecessor, so just fucking do the damn thing.

ANYTHING ABOUT ANIMAL CROSSING

Please?

MARIO RPG

I know I’ll never get a sequel to Super Mario RPG on the Super Nintendo, but how about another Paper Mario game?  We’ve done enough of those Mario & Luigi games that were fine, but hit me with the big one.  Give me another Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door or something.  You did the Mario and Rabbids thing, and that surprisingly worked out pretty well.  So just do this thing for me, okay?

CONTINUE TO NEVER GIVE WALUIGI ANYTHING

Fuck Waluigi.

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That’s what I’ve got so far, maybe next week I’ll look into some of the companies that aren’t doing conferences, and grossly speculate about what they could make, if they had to listen to me.