Like most folks, I’ve played a lot of really hard games throughout my life that I might even call punishing or unfair, but none of them have challenged me anywhere near as much as Ring Fit Adventures does. While Ring Fit Adventures isn’t going to throw endless hordes of bloodthirsty enemies at me or require pixel perfect platforming and reaction times, it does do something more sinister than any other video game I’ve ever played before: it puts my in physical pain.
I’ve written about Ring Fit Adventures before and even went so far as to include it on my 2019 Game of the Year list for finding a fun way to keep me active. 2019 Ari was way more into what Ring Fit Adventures was dishing out because 2019 Ari was regularly going to the gym and, while not physically fit, was in way better shape than 2021 Ari. But here in the year of our lord, 2021, I decided to give the game a go once more and try to deal with my sedentary lifestyle by playing with this very expensive Pilates ring that came with a video game whose only goal is to hurt you.
My knees are shot. My back is sore. The other parts of my body aren’t doing great either, and it’s all thanks to this stupid fucking ring that I have squeeze and shake and lift around like I was leading the world’s worst parade. I was sweaty and stinky and miserable, which was very reminiscent of the days when I could safely utilize the gym, so that was kind of nice. The best part was that I didn’t have to deal with the guys in the locker room that would take nude selfies, so that’s a huge boon for Ring Fit Adventures.
I still enjoy Ring Fit Adventures in some capacity though, even if it has shed a stark light on how out of shape I currently am. While I hate what it’s done to me only after one session, I’m going to come back to it and try to maintain something of a routine. The past year has been super difficult for all of us, and I don’t blame anyone for falling out of shape and stress eating. I get it. But I need to get back into a groove and work on myself again in an attempt to pick up where 2019 Ari left off. It’s going to suck and I’m going to hate doing it, but that’s something I have to endure in order to fit back into some shirts that I really liked.
But let’s be real here: I’m doing this so I can eat those 3 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies that I so irresponsibly ordered without feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. They’ve got these s’more flavored ones that are pretty dang good, and I’m dying to crack into that box.