So here we are, week 46 of social distancing, with nothing but time on our hands to finally do all of those things we so desperately wanted to do but never had the opportunity.  Yet even with all of this time to pursue passion projects, I can’t seem to find the motivation to start anything, and end up sinking into a more comfortable, time-killing routine.

I’ve had so many “projects” stocked up in my mind for years that I always cast aside because I didn’t have the “time” for them.  Well, here I am with all the time in the world, doing none of them.  From trying new games, to rearranging my apartment, to bolstering my portfolio, and even finally getting around to making that album I’ve wanted to for over a decade.

I suppose the initial and somewhat factual reaction to all of this is that even with all the time in the world, I just don’t want to do anything.  This quarantining period seemed like the perfect opportunity to work on all of these creative projects I had swirling around in my mind, but I just have no motivation to do anything at all.

It’s a depressing reality we’re all in, and doing anything to keep our minds and eyes away from the miserable reality that is the world seems like a good idea for our collective mental health.  I don’t want to detract from the seriousness of of the situation we all find ourselves in by talking about how much free time I have or anything, especially knowing that people our out there fighting and risking their asses to keep the world going.  That all being said though, I can’t speak to their struggles and would never attempt to say I know what they’re going through.  I can’t and won’t, but I will thank them all profusely for everything they do.

But with the best thing that I can do in this situation being to just stay home, I’m finding that my usual waterfall of ideas has dried up just as quickly as my motivation has.  I think the combination of the current situation mixed with the lack of any deadline has really made it easy to procrastinate and stagnate.

It’s always been great for me to have firm deadlines to work within and I find that I do my best work when I have a time limit.  Now, without any limits or deadlines however, tomorrow is always the day I plan on doing something.  I’m always pushing the goal posts back because there’s no end in sight for the sequestering.  Hell, I’ve even found it hard to keep up with this website despite having literally nothing else to do.

I’m sure that there are plenty of creative types out there who are flourishing right now and getting so much stuff done.  I’m also certain that there are plenty of people out there in the same boat as I am.  No one knows how long this whole thing is going to last, so I’m sure that I have time to find my footing and get going on any sort of project.  It’s just that starting them is the first and hardest part, and I’m still trying to adjust to this new life a lot of us are leading.

Who could have imagined things were going to turn out the way they have?  From social distancing to quarantines, curfews and event cancellations, I can safely say I did not see this coming when I celebrated the New Year a little over 3 months ago.  So here I am, doing my part to distance myself from everyone else, bored out of my mind and desperately trying to not succumb to cabin fever.  But let me make it clear that my gripes and boredom are far from actual problems.  I know there are people out there suffering and worse off than I am.

Like most of you out there, COVID-19 has led to the closing of my job with procedures in place to work from home for certain employees.  I unfortunately am not one of those employees and thus, I’m out on my ass without any income for the foreseeable future, because who the fuck is hiring right now?  I’m also technically on an extended spring break, which means I don’t have any homework to worry about for the next two weeks.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Well it’s because I need to illustrate just how empty and devoid of anything my schedule is.  I have nothing to do aside from play video games and write about them.  Although I do get this chance to watch all of the movies and shows I groused about not having time for in the past, so there’s that.

It’s like we all were collectively complaining about not having time to enjoy things, so the universe, being the bro that it is, decided to give us all plenty of time to stay home and enjoy ourselves.  Except I’m only one day into this quarantine and I’m losing my mind and want to go back to work.

Writing this along with some of the other things I’m working on, are helpful distractions to help get me through this nebulous break.  I’m basically having production meetings with myself about what I want to accomplish over the next few weeks.  I’m giving myself deadlines and working hours in an effort to maintain some normalcy.

While trying to cling to normalcy though, it’s important to realize that this situation is anything but.  This isn’t normal.  The entire world has essentially stopped and no one is sure of when it will start going again.  But it will start going again, and we all have to recognize that.  It will be a long and difficult journey for sure, but the way it is now won’t be the way it is forever.  I have to believe that.  But until we return to some modicum of normalcy, please stay indoors, avoid public gatherings, wash your fucking hands, and buy all the toilet paper you can because the good folks at Charmin hid the vaccine in several rolls.  It’s like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in a sense, except it’s nothing like that and the people doing it are assholes.