Category Archives: archive blog

Blog: Time to Unwind – 07/24/19

Since a few days ago when I posted my piece on the first few hours with Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order, I can’t say that I’ve played much else. That isn’t because I’m so head over heels for the game, rather, I just haven’t played anything that’s really revved my engine as of late.

I feel like I write something like this every few months, where I can’t find something to hook me in and keep me occupied. Ultimate Alliance 3 has been more or less, my go to game as of late, but even with that game I can feel myself losing a little steam with. It isn’t a bad thing though. In fact, it’s given me a lot more time to focus on some of my other hobbies.

I’ve been really diving headfirst into writing, specifically working on making my Dungeons & Dragons campaign I’ve been running for a while, really fleshed out and fully formed. From designing quests, to fully realizing the NPCs and settings, all the way to making maps, I’ve been very creatively fulfilled by this in a way I haven’t been in a long time.

This is basically what I’ve been up to

Outside of that, I’m playing music again. Not in any real serious capacity, but I’ve started composing some tracks and recording them with the little equipment I have. I’ve been listening to some D&D podcasts where they create music to help heighten the tension or portray the right mood, and while I’m not looking to integrate my music into my campaign, I think it’s a fun challenge to give myself a tone and try to make a song that represents that.

But yeah, not really doing much in the way of gaming lately. It feels like I’m in this summer lull where most of the games coming out just aren’t resonating with me in any meaningful way. I’m still working through Ultimate Alliance 3 and occasionally plucking away at Super Mario Maker 2, but that’s about it for the time being.

Blog: Coming Up Next – 07/17/19

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We’re over halfway through the year and I’ll be honest, there haven’t been any releases this year that have really blown me away. That’s why we’re going to look forward into the infinite void that is the remainder of 2019, and see what games are in store for us.

MARVEL ULTIMATE ALLIANCE 3: THE BLACK ORDER – JULY 19, 2019

It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that I’m a big fan of those ladies and gentlemen that parade around in the colorful tights. I believe they’re called superheroes in some circles. I’ve never been the biggest fan of the Ultimate Alliance games, mostly because of the very repetitive, brawler combat it boasted. It’s been a long time since I’ve played an Ultimate Alliance game, so maybe this time around I can find something to really sink my teeth into.

ANCESTORS: THE HUMANKIND ODYSSEY – AUGUST 27, 2019

On top of being one of the only games I can think of that have ever dealt so directly with the concept of evolution, Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey just looks so delightfully weird that I can’t help but want to play it. I have no clue if there’s going to be any depth to it, or if it even will be fun, but I need to know how it shakes out. In my mind, there’s a version of this game that is 99% the same, but has the creature creator from Spore so I can make nightmarish visions in a game that isn’t absolute trash.

CONTROL – AUGUST 27, 2019

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MitDfKKVGW8

Nothing like a bit of telekinesis, guns, and psychedelic shifting environments to really get the blood pumping. Or at least, that’s what they say. Control looks like a game that could easily become a sleeper hit this year. With people coming away from demos of it celebrating not only the aesthetic and gameplay, but some more surprising aspects regarding the story and the agency you have, my excitement for Control has gone from none to some, fairly quickly.

NBA 2K20 – SEPTEMBER 6, 2019

Look, this isn’t something I expect most of my readers to give a shit about, but I do. The NBA 2K series has proven to not only be the games I play when I don’t want to play anything else, but the spark that got me back into following the league in earnest. There will be nothing monumentally different about this game, but I’ll take a slightly shiner version of the game I already own for sure. Besides, I’ve gotten way more than my moneys worth out of last years entry.

BORDERLANDS 3 – SEPTEMBER 13, 2019

Look, I’ve already said my piece about Borderlands 3 and how Randy Pitchford is doing his best to tank the game before it comes out, but it seems like the best candidate for a game that my friends and I can play together. I am a little disappointed by some of the changes, or more accurately, the lack thereof, but Borderlands games are mindless fun, and if this one can nail that, then we’re golden.

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: LINK’S AWAKENING – SEPTEMBER 20, 2019

The Zelda series has always been a weird dark spot in my gaming history. I’ve played the original along with A Link to The Past, but outside of those, I never really gelled with the traditional top-down Zelda games the way I did with the 3D ones. But once again, I’ve been somewhat taken with an adorable graphic style despite my spotty history with these kinds of games. I will buy The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening when it is released, the only question is if I’ll regret it or not.

CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE – OCTOBER 25, 2019

I’m so curious to see what a reboot of Call of Duty 4 looks like. I can’t imagine that they’ll manage to recreate the magic of the initial 2007 release, but I’d love to see them try. I think what I’m most interested in seeing is how this release is received both critically and commercially, and how the next Call of Duty game shapes up because of it. Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare casts such a big shadow over the franchise itself for being such a monumental step forward in terms of online shooters, it’s easy to see why you’d want to go back to this particular well once more. We’ll see how it all goes down when it comes out.

THE OUTER WORLDS – OCTOBER 25, 2019

So let’s get this out in the open: I don’t like Bethesda styled RPGs. There are a myriad of reasons why, but let’s just truncate this thing by saying the word “bugs” and leave it at that. So imagine my confusion when I saw the trailer for The Outer Worlds and was actually into it. Maybe it was the setting that piqued my interest, or the possibility that this game engine might actually be able to sustain the weight of the game, but I can’t be sure. All I know is that I’m cautiously optimistic about The Outer Worlds and hope it isn’t too broken.

LUIGI’S MANSION 3 – OCTOBER 31, 2019

I only really got to play the first Luigi’s Mansion in short bursts thanks to me never actually owning a Gamecube, but it was easily the game I was most curious about playing on that console. Now that I own a Nintendo Switch and the third game in series is finally coming out on it, I can make up for that lost time. I don’t actually know what to expect from Luigi’s Mansion 3 aside from busting some ghosts with what I think is literally a vacuum cleaner, but hell, I’m up for it.

POKEMON: SWORD & SHIELD- NOVEMBER 15, 2019

I remember being a kid and playing Pokemon Red when it came out. After that I got Pokemon Yellow and was just as into it as the first one. Fast forward to 2018 when I played Let’s Go Pikachu, and we’ve just covered my entire history with Pokemon games. My experience and love for the Pokemon games are very low, but after enjoying the Let’s Go games as much as I did, I’m at least curious to see what all the fuss is about. I enjoyed the more streamlined version of Pokemon I played last year, and I know that this isn’t going to follow suit, but I’m still interested enough in it to possibly try it out. But man, when I hear things like “Dynamaxing” and “EV-Training,” my eyes start to glaze over, and my interest suddenly runs dry.

STAR WARS JEDI: FALLEN ORDER – NOVEMBER 15, 2019

It’s a Star Wars game. I like Star Wars. I like lifting fools with my magic powers and slicing my way through everything with my laser sword. I’ve heard that this game will allow me to do both, and then some. It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a real Star Wars game, now only time will tell if this one is good or not. I’m a big fan of everything I’ve seen in the footage they’ve revealed, but I’m curious to see more of the game. This might be one of the few games this year that I’m actually excited about.

UNTITLED GOOSE GAME – 2019

There’s no need for me to explain myself here, just watch the trailer.

We’re only halfway through the year, and this isn’t a comprehensive list of any kind, but I’m still hoping that something between now and the end of the year manages to really blow me away.

Blog: I Wanna Mario Maker 2, Too – 07/09/19

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If ever there was a game that was able to justify the existence of the Wii U, it was Super Mario Maker, without question. The combination of this bizarre hardware, the level building concept, and the various Super Mario mechanics that have been drilled into my head for the past few decades helped to make it one of the only level creation based games I’ve ever enjoyed. Also, the references to Mario Paint that were included were just some delicious icing on the cake.

Now there’s a sequel on the far more successful Nintendo Switch, which is great. The problem lies in the fact that while Super Mario Maker 2 does a pretty good job replicating and adapting that experience for the Switch, it never manages to feel as intuitive or easy to handle as its predecessor.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Super Mario Maker 2, but I feel like creating things without a stylus is more cumbersome and difficult than I’d like. To be fair, in handheld mode you can just touch everything on the screen and get things done that way, but I don’t want to smudge up the screen on this thing. So in place of using my fingers to make levels, I can use the built in radial menu system to pick and choose objects. It works well enough, but it’s nowhere near as intuitive as just using a stylus.

So that’s where I was with Super Mario Maker 2. I wanted to create levels, but the in game tools left me wanting. So what am I to do? I suppose I could just adjust and learn to live with this new system, adapting to the changes that they’ve made in order to get my level creation on. But this is America, and if there’s one thing I know about being an American, I can just kick and scream and throw money at the problem until I can do things the way I like them.

This is all a very long winded way of saying that I bought a stylus for my Nintendo Switch so I can play Mario Maker the way I want to. Quick correction, I actually bought a pack of ten of them on Amazon because I need more bullshit to clutter up my apartment.

But honestly, I can’t seem to even approach making levels in earnest without a stylus. I’ve mostly kept to playing the “story mode” and various online courses. I’ve dabbled I’m level building with the built in controls, but when my glut of styluses arrive, then shit gets real.

Blog: Frustratingly Unreliable Controls – 07/03/19

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Some of my favorite kinds of games fall under the very specific category of, “wacky physics based activities.” Some of the hits from that genre in recent history have been games like Human Fall Flat and Gang Beasts. So imagine my surprise when I came across the open beta for a game on Steam called, Totally Reliable Delivery Service.

Honk honk, I’m the delivery boy

In Totally Reliable Delivery Service, you can either play solo or cooperatively as a team of four to complete wacky physics based delivery missions that are scattered around the open world the game is set in. Using the combination of over the top physics and a fleet of vehicles, you’re literally trying to tack things from one place to another as fast and safely as possible.

The pitch itself is neat, but in practice, it doesn’t work too well. This is going to sound ridiculous and I totally understand, but the controls in this game are terrible. And that’s a damming thing to say about a game that’s supposed to control all crazy like. I hate to draw comparisons, but in both Gang Beasts and Human Fall Flat, the wacky controls worked while also allowing for ridiculous bullshit by streamlining the controls to make them just imprecise enough to be fun. Whereas Totally Reliable Delivery Service is just unwieldy and random in places.

This is gonna go great

A fine example would be some of the early missions that task you with moving things that have some exploding capabilities. I’d grab the object by holding the triggers down that correspond to each arm, but then to lift them you have to hold both bumpers down because they also correspond to each hand. You get this weird claw maneuver going on which is uncomfortable and doesn’t actually work.

If you happen to manage to get a product into a car without blowing it and yourself up, then you need to drive a car to the destination to complete the delivery. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line of development, somebody thought it would be a cool idea to take camera control away from you, should you dare to use your characters right hand. You see, traditionally, the right analog stick is for camera stuff and not for steering a vehicle. A common mistake, but an important one to rectify.

It didn’t go great

I know harping on the controls of Totally Reliable Delivery Service is kind of a cheap shot considering the type of game it is, but I can’t imagine I’m the only one who finds this game a little too unwieldy and unresponsive, right? I want to like this game, and maybe I just need to put more time into it or play with friends, but as it is, I just can’t get behind it. All Totally Reliable Delivery Service managed to do was make me play Human Fall Flat and appreciate it’s wonky control scheme.

Blog: Building a Better Zelda – 06/26/19

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In 2017 we were graced with some real bangers on the gaming front. When I looked back through the releases of that year and issued my Game of The Year verdicts, I gave one of the top slots to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of The Wild. It was a truly extraordinary game that had me hooked from start to finish. Fast forward to this past E3 where it was announced that a sequel to said game was in development, and my mind immediately starting swirling with the possibilities a sequel could bring to the table.

To preface, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of The Wild isn’t a flawless game in my eyes, but it was still really damn good. I know there are things inherent to this new style of Zelda that probably wont be changed, but this list serves as both a realistic wish list, and some more general tweaks that would make this upcoming sequel the perfect Zelda for me.

LET ME PLAY AS ZELDA

I don’t think there’s been a main entry in The Legend of Zelda franchise that’s allowed you to play as the titular character herself, but it’s about time we rectified that. I’ve never been the biggest fan of the franchise over the years, but I’m pretty sure that Zelda herself does cool magic spells and stuff. When you put that in the context of the very systems driven world that is The Breath of The Wild, the possibilities for open world shenanigans goes up exponentially.

Imagine Zelda lighting up some bokoblin tree house with some fire spells and watching that thing just crumble into ash. Or if she summons some lighting bolt at a lynel who made the mistake of standing in a puddle. Once again, I don’t know that Zelda actually does that stuff, but I like to imagine that she totally can.

Also, the game is fucking called The Legend of Zelda, how about we let her have at the very least, one of them.

SOME SORT OF MULTIPLAYER ANGLE

We need to be careful when we ask for traditionally single player games to branch out into the multiplayer realm. We saw what happened with Fallout 76 and I’d prefer that didn’t happen here. But, I would love the ability to play as both Link and Zelda cooperating my way through the world with a friend.

But there’s a fine line on that request. What I don’t want is a game that just has an AI companion with you at all times that a friend can inhabit. I don’t want a situation where I have to switch between characters to complete a mainline dungeon or shrine either. I’d like the ability to wander around the world with a buddy, tackling the challenges available in the single player game, but also pepper in some cooperative specific dungeons and shrines.

The version I want is way more work obviously. Essentially I’m asking for two games in one that I can enjoy depending on my current situation. But hey, it’s a wish list, so I’m gonna go hog-wild on some of these.

NO MORE WEAPON DURABILITY

If there was one aspect of Breath of The Wild that I abhorred, it was the fact that everything had a shelf life. I get it, sticks break, clubs splinter, bows can snap and so on and so forth, but in a world of magic and wonder such as this, why do I have to deal with weaponry that shatters hilariously quickly?

Why does the “royal” weaponry crumble into dust after a few uses? Why is my champion’s shield capable of deflecting a few hits before I’m thoroughly fucked? This is a magic world where I can find a sword that shoots fucking laser beams, but I still have to be constrained by some shit-ass survival mechanics like weapon durability? Did you not see the thing I did where I summoned a tornado beneath me to launch myself into the air? That’s cool, but me using a sword too many times is out of the question?

At least make the Master Sword live up to the name. Don’t make it something that has to charge up to be used, let me just use the damn thing. I know it may not be a sticking point for a lot of people, but when you’re fighting a particularly difficult creature (lynel) and you’re already dealing with dodging every attack it throws at you, I don’t want to have to also consider my weapons evaporating mid fight. But that’s just me.

MORE OPPORTUNITIES

A lot of people criticized Breath of The Wild for not having traditional dungeons, which is something I can agree with to an extent. But what I’d take over those in a heartbeat, is just a better open world, filled with more interesting opportunities.

For instance, the best parts of Breath of The Wild for me was the joy of exploring. Sometimes you’d find a little korok puzzle, maybe a shrine and more than likely, something that wanted to kill you. What I want is almost in the vein of what Red Dead Redemption 2 did, and pepper in some interesting random events, as opposed to the obvious traveler would was actually a gang member in disguise. That one happened all the time, and wouldn’t you guess, it got really old, really quick.

I want more puzzles, more places to explore, more mystery and indirect storytelling. I want a world that feels lived in and alive with its own secrets to uncover. I really liked what Breath of The Wild brought to the table, but for a sequel, I need more.

BETTER BATTLES

You fought maybe 5 real bosses throughout the entirety of Breath of The Wild, which was fine, but with the exception of the last one, they were all fairly uninteresting. On top of that, there were only a handful of enemy types the were reused over and over. I want more variety in the things I have to fight, maybe some more stuff in the mid range difficulty of enemies. They had different color scales for enemies that would indicate their level of challenge, but that doesn’t scratch the itch for me. More interesting enemies to fight is what I decree, preferably less things like lynels.

In that same vein, I think the general combat could be better. When you went head to head with an enemy, you might find yourself in some really thrilling and exciting battles, but if there’s more than one threat near you, you basically need to run away until they stop following you. I’d like to feel a little more competent when fighting, and little less like a pinata holding a sword.

It’s a tight rope to walk for sure, but ideally I want something that strikes a balance between feeling formidable, and also having challenging enemies. I have no idea how you’d go about making that a reality, but during my entire play through of Breath of The Wild, I never felt strong, just lucky. Maybe that’s what they’re going for in the sequel, but I just feel like after the events of the first game, Link has got to be a wee bit more imposing and capable.

ITEMS

Breath of The Wild introduced a lot of new mechanics and abilities that I had a lot of fun with, but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have minded a hookshot or a boomerang that didn’t break in it.

The Zelda franchise was pretty good at creating memorable and useful items, but I feel like in Breath of The Wild they axed a bunch of that stuff in favor of these all-purpose abilities you had. Which to be clear, I enjoyed slowing time and creating ice pillars and stuff, it just felt like a lot of possibilities were left on the table.

I know how challenging it would be to retain the nearly directionless open world Breath of The Wild had, while also providing you with a path to unlocking these helpful items, but it’s possible.

I ultimately want more tools I can use to mess around in the open world while also maybe breaking a few puzzles on my way. To me, there’s no better feeling in a game then when you see a puzzle before you and figure out a way to circumvent the whole thing. I feel like I just outsmarted the game or something.

But that’s what I want, more items and tools in my kit to use as creatively as possible.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’m sure there are things that I’m forgetting, but these are my kind of gut-check thoughts about what a sequel to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of The Wild could be. These are mostly things that I know will never come to pass, but some of them are genuine hopes, like playing as Zelda herself. And if that one is true, I get to see some of the worst takes on the internet about how “Nintendo is caving to SJW mentalities” or some stupid shit like that, so that’ll be fun.

Blog: Bite Sized Impressions – 06/19/19

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Now that E3 is over and I’ve had some time away from the annual gaming blitz that it is, I’ve been trying to take some time and play try out some games I missed over the years. Since signing up for the PC version of Game Pass, I’ve had access to some particular titles that I’ve wanted to try, but never got around to. It’s weird though, because I can’t seem to play games for more than like 45 minutes at a time these days without feeling the urge to go take a walk or something. With that being said, here are some genuine, super duper early impressions of some of the stuff I’ve tried thus far.

VAMPYR

I’ve had my eye on this one for a while, and it might be the only game on this list I actually stick with in any real way. Vampyr is a choice driven, action RPG by the people behind the Life Is Strange series. So like, choices seem to matter. From what little I’ve dabbled in, the combat is serviceable but simple so far, but the stuff that’s been hinted at as far as story mechanics are very exciting.

Since you’re a vampire in this game, you can just start going to town on just about everyone you meet. Different NPCs have different qualities of blood that have XP numbers attached to them. So the drunk guy in the bar had pretty poor blood which wouldn’t help me out that much, but the guy renting the room upstairs had some crazy alluring blood.

I assume that as you play on, whomever you choose to… drain, will result in something happening in the world. Allusions to quest lines vanishing and the way people react to you were hinted at, and that’s all very exciting to me. They also do this thing where blood acts like mana, allowing you to do special vampire attacks when you have it. So you can be the good guy and not feast on the townsfolk or enemies, but I guess you wont be doing some cool blood spells at anyone because of it. Seems pretty rad honestly.

WEST OF LOATHING

What a weird game this is. It’s this stick figure styled, adventure game with turn based RPG combat. It’s got some cheeky writing in it, but I constantly feel like I’m not doing the right thing. For instance, at the beginning you can choose one follower, so I chose the lady with a gun. And good thing I did, because she does way more damage than I could ever hope to. She’s one-shotting fools left and right, while I’m gently scratching the backs of my enemies.

I’m having trouble articulating exactly what this game is, because it’s this weird amalgam of different games and mechanics. The closest analog I can come up with is Paper Mario, and that’s me being generous. Despite how much I want a new Paper Mario game, West of Loathing just isn’t filling that void for me.

West of Loathing lives and dies by its sense of humor. If you’re not onboard with it’s snarky tone and stick figure aesthetic, nothing else in the game will end up winning you over.

RIVERBOND

It took me way longer than it should have for me to remember what game this was, because it turns out I actually wrote about it over a year ago. I liked the way it looked back then, and I still like it now. What I’m not enjoying so much is how repetitive and lifeless the gameplay is. Like I mentioned, I’m only an hour into this game at most, but all I’ve really had to do in Riverbond is skirt around enemies while hitting the attack button, and moving on. There are occasions where you’ll want to pull out your gun and press the attack button until a thing dies, but it really doesn’t matter what you do as long as you don’t die.

I hate to rag on this game, but it was just such a disappointment from the jump. It isn’t a bad game by any stretch, just a forgettable one.

CRACKDOWN 3

I have some pretty fond memories around Crackdown and considerably less that are tied to Crackdown 2, but this entry in the franchise is mostly confounding. I think I’m enjoying Crackdown 3 despite how flawed it is.

From top to bottom, there are glaring issues in Crackdown 3 that are absolutely infuriating. For instance, Crackdown 3 utilizes the basest concept of a “combat puzzle” by encouraging you to use different weapon types against certain enemy types. Fire and poison work great on people, but not as effective on robots. You get the deal. That’s a neat thing in concept, but it’s all kind of undermined by the fact that when I hit the button to change weapons, and the game just doesn’t do it, that’s bad. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve died because the game demanded that my character, in this superhero game about moving around and being badass, stand still in order to swap weapons.

And it isn’t exclusive to weapon swapping either. Sometimes you’ll try to climb a ledge or pull yourself up onto a flat surface, and the game just wont. Certain objects in the game will downright deny you the ability to climb, especially troubling when it’s the only surface in the ocean that isn’t covered in enemies.

Another wonderful thing Crackdown 3 does is recycle. Yes, it’s good for the environment, but when you literally are liberating the same exact outposts just in different locations, it gets really old really fast.

But despite how apparent its flaws are, Crackdown 3 is still just fun to play. It’s satisfying to throw a car at a mech. It’s satisfying to lob the lifeless husk of an enemy at a few of their surviving compatriots. It’s fun, mindless action and mayhem that in anything more than small doses, could be extremely frustrating and boring.

I still have some games installed that I need to get around to trying, but I feel like I should finish a game before I move on. It’s been quite a while since I’ve actually beaten a game. That’s incredibly weird to me.

Blog: Nobody Puts Game Pass in the Corner – 06/12/19

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There are tons of different services out there that provide what essentially is, “The Netflix of Games.” With EA’s Origin Access, the upcoming Google Stadia, the recently announced Ubisoft+, Discord’s Nitro offerings and so on and so forth. But let me tell you about what might be the best and most exciting one of all, Xbox Game Pass — specifically, the one for PC.

A few days ago at their E3 conference, Microsoft unveiled their $15 a month Game Pass bundle that includes both Xbox and PC Game Passes, plus an Xbox Live subscription. A few years earlier, they announced their play anywhere initiative, which said that all first party games will be playable on Xbox and PC. Now that both of these announcements have come and gone, and the Xbox Game Pass PC version (what a name) is available for only $5 a month, it leaves little reason for me to ever own another Xbox again.

But that isn’t the point here. What is the point is how good the offerings are on the Game Pass PC. I won’t go through the entire list here, but there are some bangers on here.

ASTRONEER

I really enjoyed Astroneer when it was in early access. Since it released, I shamefully haven’t tried it out, but I recommend anyone who is looking for a chill space, survival game, immediately check out Astroneer.

GEARS OF WAR 4/ULTIMATE EDITION

With the sequel only a few months away, now’s a great time to revisit the incredibly fun yet forgettable, Gears of War 4. Admittedly, I never finished it, but, now I have an avenue to do so should I ever want to.

Also, the remaster of the first Gears of War is on the service too. Just saying.

ORI & THE BLIND FOREST

The incredibly fun and challenging platformer, Ori & The Blind Forest is available too, which is good considering the sequel isn’t too far away and will also be on Game Pass. Also, this game will make you feel things. So watch out.

PREY

Prey was always one of those games that I wanted to try but never got around to. With shades of Bioshock and System Shock poking through, the game offered what many critics considered a fun, yet occasionally terrifying game with a great story.

SHENMUE I&II

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiVbFmlTnec

I won’t attempt to defend Shenmue as a franchise, but it did have some pretty impressive stuff in it for the time. The clockwork world, quick time events, the densely populated areas where you can interact with everyone. All of it was ahead of it’s time and deserves that praise. Was it fun to play though? Not really. But you can experience the infamous hunt for sailors for yourself in preparation for the impending sequel.

STATE OF DECAY 2

While State of Decay 2 wasn’t the game for me, I acknowledge that for a lot of people, the zombie survival/management sim that released, was. It’s a game full of bold ideas, all of which circle around the concept of base building, and personnel management. Also there’s zombies everywhere.

VAMPYR

I really wanted to try out Vampyr for a while now. If I remember correctly, you’re a doctor who has been turned into a vampire, and has to investigate something? I don’t remember. What I do remember though is that you talk to a bunch of citizens, and shoot werewolves a bunch. It’s an action RPG in a setting we just don’t get enough of.

WOLFENSTEIN II

I think we as a people need to once again embrace the idea that eradicating Nazis is cool and not taboo. What better way to remind yourself of that fact, than by playing a game where you go around an alternate history version of America where they lost WW2 and the filthy Nazis took over? Oh, I should mention that you’re killing them with guns and bombs and stuff in order to free America from the Nazi menace. It’s fun and patriotic.

Now you might be thinking to yourself, “eh, none of those games did it for me,” and I get that. But there might be something on the list that might sway you. And look, I’m not doing this cause I want to advertise the service or anything, this was all spurred on because I genuinely enjoy the service. That, and the upcoming titles look great. Let’s take a look, shall we?

HALO INFINITE

Look man, I was gonna play this game one way or another, and knowing that I don’t need to buy a new console to enjoy it is all the better. When Halo Infinite launches next year, I’ll be there.

HALO THE MASTER CHIEF COLLECTION

What’s that you say? You don’t need Game Pass till the next Halo launches? But what about The Master Chief Collection then? Yeah buddy, you’re gonna get access to that entire package when it begins to roll out in a few months. Hot damn.

AGE OF EMPIRES I, II & III DEFINITIVE EDITIONS

In the past, I’ve heard people go nuts for this franchise. I’m actually curious to see what all the fuss is about. Considering the last actual RTS game I played was Rise of Nations, I’m curious if this will scratch a similar itch.

MICROSOFT FLIGHT SIMULATOR

Shut up, I think it looks cool and fun. I wanna fly some sick-ass planes and do it in a world powered by Google Maps. I want to fly a plane over my house and go somewhere nicer, so I pretend I’m leaving here. Shut up.

That isn’t all of the upcoming games, that list has a few more on it. But more interestingly is what games they don’t have announced, that they’ll add to the service. Only a few days ago, critically acclaimed new releases like Void Bastards and The Outer Wilds were added to the list, so you never know what new game is going to make the cut.

Out of all of the available services, Xbox Game Pass PC has the best selection of games that I want to play on it. Also, I think it’s the cheapest of the offerings at only $4.99 a month. I’m enjoying Game Pass, and I just wanted to sing it’s praises a bit as we become more and more over encumbered with similar services.

Blog: Calm Before the Storm – 06/05/19

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Next week the video game world goes bonkers with announcements and news that tantalize us with all the shiny new things to come in the near future. So before that happens, I wanted to just do one last games roundup before the storm hits and my motivation to continue playing these titles dries up.

THE OUTER WILDS

The Outer Wilds is a game I desperately want to put more time into. The basic premise is that you’re a creature whose people have figured out the most ramshackle way to explore their solar system. They’ve hobbled together spaceships out of wood and glue, and have conscripted you into their space program to have you explore the depths of space and learn about a mysterious race of technologically advanced aliens that have essentially vanished. Or at least that’s what I’m aware of so far.

The game is purely about exploring and learning as you follow the many weaving and winding story threads that bring you to every planet in your solar system. Each planet is hand crafted and has it’s fair share of hidden secrets and stories to uncover. There isn’t much in the realm of gameplay aside from steering your ship and trying not to fall in big holes or run out of oxygen, but the sense of tension this game is capable of instilling is unreal. That and the mystery gets really good after about the first thirty minutes of playing.

I am so excited to see where the game goes from here.

DAUNTLESS

I’ve written about Dauntless before, so my thoughts on the game as an early access product are pretty well documented. But, it did recently get a full release on PC, PS4 and Xbox One, which warrants a little bit of discussion.

Since it released, I’ve only been able to play it once. The servers have been getting hammered by the ridiculously high amount of people trying to play the game. That’s a good sign for the creators I bet, but less fun for me. But from the one session I did play, the game is still good, and something that I’ll be checking in with periodically.

X-MEN DESTINY

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I actively went to the mall the other day to buy this hunk of shit game from 2011. I remember it being bad, and surprise, it didn’t age like fine wine.

It sucks too, because X-Men Destiny has a cool concept, where you basically choose a new mutant to become an X-Man, and go on adventures with them. Unfortunately, everything else in the game sucks shit. The combat requires you to know just how to hit the X button over and over. The art is terrible and the game runs like garbage. Every ounce of “quest design” in the game is lifeless and uninspired. From tip to toe, this entire game is bad… but I still wanted to play it again.

That’s been my past week in video games. High highs, and low lows. But with E3 around the corner, who knows what I’ll be doing with my time outside of just writing things for this website along with the occasional snarky tweet.

THIS IS THE ONLY PICTURE I COULD FIND WITH DING DONGS IN IT!

Oh, and real quick, there’s a game on Steam that’s currently listed as a “top seller” called Bonecraft whose presence on Steam fascinates me. Not because I’m eager to play it, but just how awful it looks. The pictures are of Orcs and elves and stuff just boning down. And I just watched the Steam trailer and it’s worse than anything I’ve ever seen before. There’s penis monsters and people doing George W. Bush impressions, so I think this game is from like 2006 and is meant to parody World of Warcraft… but with dicks and stuff.

I don’t think I’m exited for E3 or even video games in general anymore. Maybe I’ll take up knitting.

Blog: The Guessing Game of E3 2019 – 05/29/19

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In less than two weeks time we’ll be waist deep in the bog that is E3 once again. There are plenty of conversations that we could have about the obsolescence of the conference itself, but for the time being, I just want to scrounge together a sort of wish list for the event. With several companies not attending, including Sony, and the knowledge of a new console generation right around the corner, this year is probably going to be fairly lite in terms of big announcements.

I could probably just write the word “games” over and over, but I just want to hit on like one or two things from each conference that I’d like to see.

MICROSOFT

Microsoft is kicking off E3 with their conference, in what I think could be the most interesting conference of the entire show. It’s no secret that the Xbox One didn’t set the world on fire and was easily overtaken by the PlayStation 4 in terms of market share. Since their rocky launch, they’ve tried to right the ship since then by taking a very pro-consumer stance with their ‘Play Anywhere’ initiative, which allows for Xbox exclusives to be playable on Windows, their push to make online games allow players on any console to play with each other, and my personal favorite, the Xbox Adaptive Controller, which brings accessibility to a whole new level.

I’m genuinely excited to see what the next generation looks like under this new era of Xbox, but till then, I’m gonna just list some stuff I would love to see out of them this year.

FABLE 4

For my money, if Fable 4 came out and incorporated a large world, devoid of loading screens, with the fun yet admittedly shallow combat from Fable 2, I’d be happy. The Fable franchise has always traded on cheeky humor and robust world building, but I think it would be nice if we could make good on some of those promises that Peter Molyneux made back before the first Fable came out, and include more of those clockwork systems that make the world feel more alive.

HALO INFINITE

Look, I don’t know what they’re planning with Halo Infinite, but regardless of if it’s the conclusion to the story we’ve all wanted or a big pile of garbage, I just want to know. Just let me play this game and move on with my life. It’s not like I’ve been waiting a terribly long time, but I think I’m just so exhausted with Halo, that I just want it to be over with. If it was good, that’d be great, but even if it isn’t, I just need to know.

NEW CONSOLE

I swear, if this next console isn’t just called the Xbox Two, I’m gonna lose my shit. Although in all fairness, it would be absolutely hilarious if they just called this thing like “XCUBE” or “ULTRABOX.” I don’t know that I’m ready for a new console generation, but I don’t really have a choice in the matter. Regardless, I’d like some functionality stuff to be talked about. Are we doing a disc drive? Do all the Xbox One games work? How about the accessories like controllers? How big of a deal is streaming? Just some cool bullet points would be great.

BETHESDA

Look, I don’t like Bethesda games that much. They’ve all felt janky to me in one way or another, and I never got into any of the settings they played around in. I’m not a big post-apocalypse guy, and even less of a high fantasy fella, so I’ve basically eliminated most of their modern lineup. That said…

STARFIELD

What I wouldn’t give for any information about this game. I know that this is behind Elder Scrolls IV in the queue, and almost certainly wont be on this current generation of consoles, but a man can dream.

I’m just looking for something that can vaguely fill that Mass Effect sized hole in my heart. While I hate that Bethesda stands the best chance at this moment, I have to stay hopeful that a good sci-fi action RPG that let’s me shoot aliens or bone down with them is somewhere on the horizon.

AN APOLOGY

Imagine it; Todd Howard walks on stage with his head hung low. He steps up to the lone microphone on the stage with a single house light shining upon it. Andrew W.K. is notably not there, or if he is, he’s singing a dramatic and somber version of one of his party songs. Todd clears his throat and speaks into the mic with tears in his eyes. “We fucked up, y’all. We really goobered it up on this one. Fallout 76? Yeah, we did a bad on that.” Then he eats a canvas bag that says Fallout 76 on it, and melts into a puddle.

UBISOFT

Man, I really like the turn that Ubisoft has had this generation. They’ve stuck with their games in a way that very few developers do, and cultivate these lively communities around their games. For Honor, Rainbow Six Siege, The Division 2, and Ghost Recon Wildlands just to name a few. I’m pretty stoked to see what they do this year.

SOME PATENTLY CRAZY CONFERENCE BULLSHIT

For those not in the loop, Ubisoft has the fucking most wild press conferences ever. Usually there’s people in costumes dancing, a game of laser tag in the auditorium, and Mr. Caffeine, the strangest man ever. Ubisoft, whether intentionally or not, has made their conference twice as exciting by just being themselves.

SPLINTER CELL

I will forever ask for another one of these. I love Splinter Cell, with Splinter Cell Chaos Theory being one of my favorite games of all time, it’s been upsetting to see Ubisoft shove Sam Fisher and his cool goggles into a closet. I want another one of these games. I thought Blacklist was cool, but it didn’t scratch the itch I needed it to. I’m ready to see Sam Fisher snap necks and hang from the ceiling like he did in the old days.

WATCH DOGS 3

If I can’t have Splinter Cell, give me this instead. The lack of an Assassin’s Creed this year along with a ton of rumors about the next Watch Dogs taking place in London, all lend credence to the almost inevitable announcement of Watch Dogs 3. The rumor of it being set in London makes me even happier, considering one of the biggest issues with Watch Dogs 2, was how flippantly your character went from graffiti enthusiast, to armed assassin. Setting the game in a place without guns adds to the likelihood that more focus will be put on the puzzle aspects of the game, rather than the shooty shooty killing part of it. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Watch Dogs 2, but I think they did themselves a disservice by letting you use shotguns and pistols.

THE OTHER STUFF

Ubisoft is really good about the, “one more thing” part of E3. They announce some big sequels, along with some really intriguing new franchises. I’d like a progress update on Beyond Good & Evil 2, maybe see what other Nintendo collaborations they have up their sleeves, or even see them tackle some more sports in a follow up to Steep. Ubisoft has my attention most of the time, except for that boat game they announced. I don’t give a damn about their pirate thing.

SQUARE ENIX

I… I don’t really know. I guess people really wanna see that Final Fantasy 7 remake, but I just could not give less of a shit. I genuinely do not know what to even ask for here. I’m looking at their Wikipedia page, and maybe like, 5 games are jumping out at me.

They probably aren’t doing another Tomb Raider just yet, Thief and Sleeping Dogs are basically dead at this point, and they just released Just Cause 4 last year. Aside from Life is Strange, they’ve really got nothing I want. Although according to their Wikipedia page, that untitled Avengers project is still a thing, and I haven’t played a good superhero game in a very long time.

Aside from that, I can’t really think of anything I want from them. Surprise me, Square Enix. Surprise me.

NINTENDO

Alright, here’s the situation: Nintendo already announced two games that I’m very excited for, and a bunch of others that mean relatively little to me. I have no doubt that something will catch my attention during their Nintendo Direct, but here’s what I’d like.

MARIO 2 STYLE IN MARIO MAKER 2

Like, just fucking do it Miyamoto. Do the thing we all want for once, and put the game in the other game. Mario Maker 2 looks fantastic, and seems to be fixing a lot of the shortcomings of it’s predecessor, so just fucking do the damn thing.

ANYTHING ABOUT ANIMAL CROSSING

Please?

MARIO RPG

I know I’ll never get a sequel to Super Mario RPG on the Super Nintendo, but how about another Paper Mario game? We’ve done enough of those Mario & Luigi games that were fine, but hit me with the big one. Give me another Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door or something. You did the Mario and Rabbids thing, and that surprisingly worked out pretty well. So just do this thing for me, okay?

CONTINUE TO NEVER GIVE WALUIGI ANYTHING

Fuck Waluigi.

That’s what I’ve got so far, maybe next week I’ll look into some of the companies that aren’t doing conferences, and grossly speculate about what they could make, if they had to listen to me.

Blog: The Yard Boy – 05/22/19

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Crap, they went ahead and did it you guys. The people who made that House Flipper game that took over my life a few months ago, released some DLC. Luckily, it’s all about gardening, something I have even less interest in doing than cleaning. Oddly enough though, I did 100% all the missions it had to offer in a few hours, so maybe I do like gardening.

No, that can’t be it. The reasons for my love of this and games like it is something I’ve covered plenty before and thus, don’t need to reiterate. But I still do have some thoughts on House Flipper, or more specifically its DLC, Garden Flipper.

You ever invert your hands to get better leverage on a shovel?

Garden Flipper follows the same structure of the base game, while adding in a handful of new tools and abilities. Obviously, you can plant stuff, which can be fun in the same tedious manner House Flipper is known for. More importantly though, the entire DLC involves surprisingly little flower planting, and more revolves around you making yards and parks into livable and presentable spaces.

One of the missions had me clean a trash filled vacant lot and transform it into an outdoor gym. I started by grabbing all the trash I could find, then shoveling out some of the larger portions of rubble on the ground. Then I followed that with power washing graffiti of the walls, which is funny cause you’re using a simple hose attachment you might use for washing your car to blast the paint off of the fences. From there, I bought a bunch of rolled up turf, unfurled it to cover the gaps in the grass, and proceeded to plant some trees and bushes to make it look pretty. Finally, I laid down some sand, put in the workout equipment and some benches, voila, a park was born.

I am the king of ferns.

It’s a fun, mindless way to kill some time which I appreciated, but the fun was constantly undercut by the crazy amount of bugs I encountered while playing it. I had consistent frame rate drops, regardless of what settings I fiddled with. Even worse, whenever I would go to pick up a trash pile on the ground, the game would freeze for a few seconds upon clicking the rubbish, then pick back up until I went to grab more. And just to clarify, there’s a lot of trash on these maps, so every time I did this, I prayed to the computer gods that the game wouldn’t crash and erase my progress.

Luckily, I never did experience a crash while playing, but I ran into a ton of camera issues that made it impossible for me to do the things I wanted to do, or decorate yards the way I wanted. For instance, I had to build a playground in someones backyard. You know the type, a big wooden thing with a slide and some shit to climb on it, typical backyard stuff. I decided to put it near the garage cause that’s where I had space to place it. I placed the object, but then I had to assemble it. When you assemble things in Garden Flipper, the camera spins around to focus on the object for you to interact with. Except, in this case, I just got a face full of garage wall and was unable to actually build the damn thing. So I had to move it and try again until the camera behaved.

Welcome to my tomb of doors that wont open.

That might seem benign, but in a game where decorating is the core conceit, it seems genuinely fucked that I can’t utilize all the space afforded to me because of a camera issue. Even worse, one time, while rolling out some turf on the front lawn of a house, the camera left the “unrolling turf animation” camera angle, in a position that clipped me inside of the house. Because the doors are not interactive in these missions, I was stranded in this featureless house for a while. Luckily, there’s a way to restart the mission without losing progress, but it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

Look, at the end of the day, I love House Flipper and all it has to offer. I appreciate that the new tools work in all of the existing maps in the base game, adding another layer of replayability. I still think the game doesn’t do a good job at displaying information, constantly making flip between menus so I can remember what exact item I need to buy. With multiple brand names, styles, plants, and plant heights to contend with, I would appreciate just a straight up shopping list I can click, “buy all” on and call it a day.

The animations in Garden Flipper leave something to be desired.

Garden Flipper is fun in the same ways that House Flipper is. It’s also just as rough around the edges from bugs to UI decisions. But, despite all of that, it’s still a good way to kill a few hours while still watching TV or something.